This year I made a resolution…no more resolutions! Instead, I decided to try something different. I’d immerse myself and learn something new. So I signed up for a 30 day yoga teacher training course. Yep. Every day, all day, I’d learn the history of yoga. I’d learn Sanskrit and how to chant. I’d meditate for long periods of time. And, come hell or high water, I’d learn to stand on my head.
I’ve been a yoga student for about ten years. I started with Bikram, that outrageously hot class that has you sweat out half your weight in water during each 90 minute session. My type A personality latched on to that insanity and rode it until I grew tired of doing the same poses over and over again. I needed a change.
I moved on to hot flow classes. (See the pattern here? Heat is my frienemy.) I loved the sensuality of moving and flowing. Sweating and dripping. And after a few years, I wanted to get deeper into the practice. I wanted to really know yoga at my core. To understand it on a spiritual level. The physicality of it was no longer new. I wanted more. A deeper connection.
So, when I saw a poster at my local yoga studio for a teacher training course, I couldn’t wait to sign up. I imagined myself floating spiritually on my mat, dominating every pose and basking and in the glory of my last perfectly held headstand. I’d be infused with knowledge and transformed into a glorious yogini.
School started this week and after four days, I feel like a weak, wimpering little soul who’s body isn’t strong enough to hold plank let alone do a headstand and whose spirit isn’t wise enough to know how to deal with it.
After the first day of class, my arms hurt so badly from the 57 chatturangas I did that I couldn’t lift the blowdryer to dry my hair. I was starving and tired and frustrated. Why in the hell did I sign up for this? Had I lost my mind?
If you’re like me and starting a new journey this new year and wondering why you did it, stay tuned. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, exercise more, quit smoking, or ending a bad relationship, starting something new is HARD. And I mean HARD. And the beginning is without a doubt the hardest part.
While my hair was air drying I had a chance to think about how much I love yoga and that maybe the journey is about the work on and off my mat and not about the perfect headstand, I settled in a little more. There’s a lot to learn and the lesson is in the challenge and the resistance we feel toward change. The glory is in the sweat and tears, not in the end result.
I’ll be posting about my struggles and triumphs over the next 30 days. I hope you’ll join me and share your thoughts about your journeys as well. In the meantime, don’t give up. We’re all in this together. Sending you courage and love.